ItWorks!…no really It Does!

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A few months back my best friend offered me an amazing opportunity. Continue reading “ItWorks!…no really It Does!”

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My Not New Year’s Resolutions

I’m not much for new year resolutions. I am a person who fully believes that if you want to change something or do something then don’t wait for tomorrow, do it today.

Instead of making resolutions for the new year, I am going to resolve to continue to work on the things that I know need work in my life, in my relationships, with my children, and so on and so forth. People need change. In order to be a better you, you need to change. When you see something broken, you fix it. When you see something dirty, you clean it. The same applies to life. Why put off for tomorrow what you can do today.

My relationship with my husband is not where it should be. I resolve to make this better. My best friend said something that rang so true in my ears yesterday during a very special visit with her. In regards to her and her husband she said “I cannot change him, but I can sure change me.” How true! So often in our relationships with our husbands we try to “change” them. We nag them to death, we yell until we are blue in the face, we argue, we fight and for what? The end result is usually them continuing to not listen, not doing what you need them to do, and them not caring at all about what is spewing out of our mouths. Obviously, ladies, we are going about this the wrong way. So, instead, I will change me. I will focus on me. I will do what is expected of me. I will not worry about him not taking out the trash after I’ve asked him to. If it doesn’t get done, then I will do it. I will not focus on him still putting his work uniform on our bedroom floor right next to the dirty clothes hamper, I will pick it up for him. I will do these things because I love him. Not because I think I am his house slave, not because I have given up, and not because I have to, but because I love him. And I will do so all without yelling, nagging, and pushing for him to do it. I am not AT ALL saying that this will be easy, in fact, this will be one of the hardest things I have ever done. I am a yeller, a nagger, and a pusher. These are things that MUST change. In order for my relationship with my husband to get better, in order for him to know that I love him, in order for me to lead by example, these things have to change. SO…I resolve to continue to work on my relationship with my husband.

As a homeschooling parent I spend a lot of time with my children. However, it is not all sunshine and daisies. More often then not here recently, they are not following directions, running around like hooligans, and fighting with each other. That results in my temper flaring, me throwing my hands up, and the yelling battle ensues. No more. I am putting my parenting practices back in place. This past holiday season has truly shown me that you should never allow holidays and family visits to get in the way of your family routine and parenting. It makes for very grumpy children who act out which ultimately turns into very grumpy parents who act out. Either way it goes, it’s time to get back to our routine, back to loving and caring about each other, time to throw out all the techniques that are not working, and time to kick laziness to the curb. I want things back to normal! SO…I resolve to continue to work on my parenting skills and my relationships with my children.

I could write a book about all the things that I am going to continue to work on and change. The above are the two that are most important to me. I resolve to start every day with a new hope, leave bad memories behind, and have faith for a better tomorrow.

This pretty much sums up my Not New Year’s Resolutions:383713_535677853118685_1299395286_n

 

 

Stephen Conor 03/31/2010

Baby Angel

Don’t let them say I wasn’t born,
that something stopped my heart,
I felt each tender squeeze you gave,
Ive loved you from the start,
Although my body you cant hold,
It doesn’t mean I’m gone
This world was not worthy of me,
God chose that I move on
I know the pain that drowns your soul,
what you are forced to face,
you have my word I’ll fill my arms,
someday we will embrace.
You’ll hear that it was meant to be,
God doesn’t make mistakes
But that wont soften your worst blow,
or make your hearts not ache
I’m watching over all you do,
another child you will bear
Believe me when I say to you,
that I am always there.
There will come a time, I promise you
When you will hold my hand,
stoke my face and kiss my lips
and then you will understand.
Although I have never breathed your air,
or gazed into your eyes,
that doesn’t mean I ‘never was’
Because an angel never dies….

Ask My Mom How She Is

My Mom, she tells a lot of lies,
She never did before.
But from now until she dies,
She’ll tell a whole lot more.

Ask my Mom how she is
And because she can’t explain,
She will tell a little lie
Because she can’t describe the pain.

Ask my Mom how she is,
She’ll say “I’m alright.”
If that’s the truth, then tell me,
why does she cry each night?

Ask my Mom how she is,
She seems to cope so well.
She didn’t have a choice you see,
Nor the strength to yell.

Ask my Mom how she is,
“I’m fine, I’m well, I’m coping.”
For God’s sake Mom, just tell the truth,
Just say your heart is broken.

She’ll love me all her life,
I loved her all of mine.
But if you ask her how she is,
She’ll lie and say she’s fine.

I am Here in Heaven.
I cannot hug from here.
If she lies to you don’t listen,
Hug her and hold her near.

On the day we meet again,
We’ll smile and I’ll be bold.
I’ll say, “You’re lucky to get in here, Mom,
With all the lies you told!”

Facts About Amandagrace

I thought it might be a good idea to write a blog post that is just about me and a few tid bits about the family =) Seeing as I have plenty of followers, maybe it would be nice if you all got to know me a little. So, Here it goes!

  • At the age of 6 I KNEW that I would be a wife and a mother. The one and only thing I wanted to do with my life…and I did it!
  • I have three children and I hope to have at least two more 😉
  • My son was misdiagnosed twice at age three before finally being diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome at age five. However, we do not let Autism define him…he defines himself! 🙂
  • I played with Barbies until I was 15…I got married at 17.
  • I was baptized twice.
  • Anatomy and Physiology was my ALL TIME FAVORITE class in school!
  • My favorite food is a strict three way tie between jalapenos, nachos with cheese, and grilled chicken wings! (A side note on the wings…the absolute best ones that I ever had was when I was growing up, I went to the beach with my grandparents one weekend and my PaPa accidentally dropped the wings in the sand, washed them off in beach water, and then grilled them. I have NEVER had better wings than on that day!)
  • I spent a great deal of time with my favorite grandparents, MiMi & PaPa, when I was growing up. I made some memories with them that I will never ever forget.
  • My parents divorced when I was three. When I was four I gained an amazing step dad who has raised me to be a very strong and smart woman who does not take a lot of mess from people. I spent a lot of my childhood in the deer woods and tree stands with him. He is and will always be a very important person in my life.
  • I have one half sister, one half brother, and a step sister.
  • My favorite color is green.
  • I have very long skinny feet. 😀
  • I learned to drive a stick shift Chevy S10 when I was 10 years old.
  • I had a dog named Bobo when I was growing up. He was my soul mate. When he died my life was devastated. Since his death I have not been able to make a connection with any other dog. Although we have two dogs as family pets, I have not been able to have the relationships with them that I had with him. I still grieve his death like it was yesterday. He died in December of 2002.
  • I have a crazy thing about my feet…if you touch them I will kick you. Never touch my feet. 😀
  • I am crazy OCD.
  • One of my OCD habits is that I will not step on grates, sewer covers, or those rain drainage things on the corners of side walks. My husband has tried to hold me on top of one in order to get me to “get over my fears” and I screamed and cried until the neighbors came out to see what was going on. Bless his heart, he was trying to help…it didn’t. (No he was not doing this to be cruel, he really was trying to help)
  • When I love, I love HARD. I love truly, madly, and deeply.

Wow! There you have it, some facts about me. Maybe I will do another one another day with some more. How about you leave me a comment with a simple fact about you, seeing as we are getting to know each other and all. 😉

My Silent Prayer

“Prayer is so simple. It is like quietly opening a door and slipping into the very presence of God. There in the stillness we can listen to His voice or even petition. What we have to say matters not…Just to be there…In His presence…is prayer.” -The National Handbook and Bylaws of The Order of the Daughters of the King

Today, I had a mini meltdown. The weather has been unpleasant and with the kids being kept in the house for days they were full of energy all day. At church this morning, there was no nursery so the one year old had to sit in the pew with the family, and lets face it, she was not so happy about this and has yet to learn how to behave in church. My six and four year olds could not behave, listen, or follow the directions either (you would have thought that they were the one year olds). My dear daughter, Rileigh, does not know how to whisper and repeatedly yelled her questions and comments out at me in the quiet solitude of the sanctuary. The ride home from church was no better. Both of the older kids were bickering and the baby was screaming because she was hungry and ready for her nap. My husband was snippy because his patience were running thin. I was barely holding myself together at this point. After lunch, I wanted to pick up the house and no one was listening to what I had to say as I was trying to delegate tasks. To make matters worse, as I was headed to dump out the dirt from the vacuum cleaner into the garbage it fell out of my hands and crashed to my kitchen floor spilling dirt and grime everywhere. I had had it! That was the last straw. I stepped over the mess and walked out the front door and right into the presence of God.

I’m sure most can relate to moments such as these. And this was the shortened version. Nevermind the hassle it was trying to get the kids ready this morning, being late for church, and my dear husband almost crashing into a truck he did not see as he made a right hand turn in our neighborhood which nearly gave me heart failure. I was on pins, needles, and the throbbing head ache was the only thing telling me that my head was still together sitting upon my shoulders. But when i made the decision to go to God all those things didn’t matter anymore.

Once outside, I sat down on my porch, buried my face in my hands, and prayed. At first I was tense and angry. I was angry at myself for being angry. I was agitated with my entire family. Why couldn’t they just listen? Why couldn’t my kids just behave? Then the peace came. God quieted my spirit. He sent his ever loving peace to me. He held me and I cried. I had no words any longer, I merely layed my head on my Fathers chest and wept.

I don’t know what it is about God that makes Him so amazing, but in moments like these, when I simply surrender to Him completely, I know that He is the Almighty God. He is my sole comforter in times of distress. I felt like I was falling apart, yet He picked up the pieces and put me back together. And when I walked back inside, I was at peace and felt strengthened by His love.

I don’t always know how or why God does what He does, but one thing that I do know is He is always there. He never leaves my side.

 
There is hope for the helpless
Rest for the weary
Love for the broken heart
There is grace and forgiveness
Mercy and healing
He’ll meet you wherever you are
Cry out to Jesus, Cry out to Jesus

Third Day

 

My Cup Runneth Over

My heart is heavy tonight. I have spent much of the day in prayer for so many things. I am thankful for so much, but in the same token I am also saddened by much. A very dear friend is going through a difficult time right now. My heart aches for her and her family. If only I could snap my fingers and make it all disappear. Stress can be such an ugly thing.

When I see my family or friends wading through troubling waters it reminds me of how truly human we are. We think we are so strong, that we can handle anything, but in reality we are meager humans who cannot handle anything alone. Alone is the key word here. Without God on our side we cannot deal with the stress in our life. The devil works so hard to break us. Picture your faith in a porcelain cup. Then imagine a crack in it (stress, sadness, trials, tribulations, etc.). The Evil One is great at wiggling his way into that crack and penetrating our faith, that is if we allow it. No matter how strong you think your faith is, in reality it is quite fragile. The smallest weakness can allow our faith to slip and the devil a space to work through and insert the tiniest bit of doubt.

God, in His infinite power,  can mend that crack and strike the devil out in an instant. Just as quick as he slithered into our porcelain cup he will be thrown out of it.

To think of God’s amazing power is so humbling. To simply sit and imagine the hands that formed the universe, the galaxies with the many stars, the Earth with its many beautiful wonders, and even the smallest most intricate workings of the life all around us is truly amazing (for lack of a better word). And to think that the Person who made all of these things formed our inner most being. While we were yet to make our appearance into our mother’s womb he knew who we would be, what we would look like, and how our lives would unfold before Him.

How can we not want to put our trust and faith, our very lives, into those more than capable hands? The very thought of others in the world who don’t even know my Lord saddens me to the very core. To think of others walking this very Earth carrying their heavy burdens alone, to not know the very peace and joy of my God absolutely breaks my heart. I cannot imagine a life without Him. He is my sole Comforter. In times of darkness and trouble He is my refuge. In times of weakness He is my strength. I can’t tell you how many times friends have asked me “How do you do what you do day in and day out?” My answer is simply…God. Without Him, I am nothing. I am weak, little, and have a life with no purpose or value without God by my side. He is my everything.

The only thing that we can do for our dear friends and family who are carrying burdens much to heavy for their shoulders is to pray for them. To pray that God’s holy presence will fill the void in their very souls. That His comfort may be ever present in these most difficult times. And most of all that they would come to know and love the very God who created them and who loves them without limits.

My ultimate prayer is that everyone I touch or meet in passing will come to know my Lord and that I would be a true witness of His, that His light and love would shine through me. I want them to see Jesus in me.

CDO…*OCD In Alphebetical Order*

I will let you all in on a little secret about myself. When my house starts showing signs of messiness I begin to get frazzled. Talk to my husband and I’m sure he will back me up on this. He says I turn monstrous when things start looking out of the norm. I like everything to be in their homes, organized, and even smelling nicely. There is just something about a clean house that makes me happy right down to my bones. With three children running along beside me, I have to stay busy and on task with daily chores in order to keep my house the way I like it. If I drop the ball at all and start seeing things unravel I begin to feel out of control of my environment. This is only the top of an iceberg called Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.  OCD is nothing to scoff at.

I have ticks like not walking on grates in the road or the corner of the road on the sidewalk that collects rain water because they cause me extreme discomfort. The fact that I count light poles, trees, and lines in sidewalks. I will never ever grab the first item off of a shelf or rack in a store, it has to be the third item back. I absolutely HATE touching shoe strings it literally makes me wince from the pain I get in my teeth when I do (hence my children only having velcro or buckle shoes). I truly dislike riding in elevators, using public bathrooms, touching buggys at the store, and the list goes on. If I kept going I would end up writing a book. Sometimes my husband does get a kick out of watching me do these things and we will have a good laugh. To him its just weird and funny, but to me it can cause literal pain or extreme discomfort. Laughing it off sometimes does make it easier. I will say as a side note that when people make comments like “I wish I had OCD” it upsets me because if they really knew what they were saying they wouldn’t wish it on anyone, including themselves.

I am who God made me to be. He must have a reason for giving me this to carry around. Honestly, I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t have OCD. Everyone has something they have to deal with. We just figure out how to make it work and life goes on.

Fact is, my house is clean and that makes me happy! =)