Killeen Independent School District, well a shorter version, shows up on my caller id….again. I take a breath, say a quick prayer that sounds something like “Help me, Lord” and then I answer. Seems my sons impulsive behaviors are getting the best of him these days. I received three calls from the assistant principal within about a three week period regarding his “behavior”. They absolutely do not understand him or his diagnosis. I truly do not believe that this “school” is equipped to handle his needs appropriately. I have been on a rant about this elementary school since day one which started last school year. It took me the ENTIRE year to finally get an IEP (Individual Educational Plan) set up for him and even then I didn’t feel like it was hitting home on his needs. IEPs are not one size fits all, but of course trying to be heard by school officials is pretty much as easy as it is to apply mascara in the dark (unless you are a make up pro, then great job!) I have absolutely had it with trying to get them to understand. I have been telling them all school year that he cannot focus enough in a classroom with 23 other kids in it to do his work and that he really needs to go to an ESE room for his school work because he is really falling behind and isn’t where he needs to be academically. They kept brushing me off and basically putting me off as a “helicopter mom”. But guess what? His aid calls me and says “So we think we went about this school year all wrong. He should have been in our research room for his school work where there are only about 6 kids. Now we think we might be holding him back in Kindergarten for next year. We will be sure to adjust his IEP accordingly.” Excuse me?! Did I hear you right? NOW you want to do something about it when we only have a month left of this school year and then tell me that my son will be held back because of YOUR schools mistake??! Oh no, that does not sit well with me….in fact, it infuriates me! Had they have listened to me throughout the school year we wouldn’t be here right now. And don’t even get me started on the subject of bullying where the school blatantly told me my son is the reason he is bullied. My son has horrible social skills, not to mention his meltdowns and other little quirks he has, as do most children with aspergers, so he is usually the target of bullying. But to stand there and tell me its his own fault…I’m shaking my head and sighing right now.
I could make of long list of all the things that I feel are wrong about this school and this school district as a whole, and so could many other parents that I know. Basically, I am to the point where I’m done. It boils down to this: I am his advocate, I am his voice, and I am the one who was given the job to make sure he is put on the right path and succeeds. When God decided to put this child in my womb he trusted me to care for him and to always do whats right, to raise him up in the right direction, to love him, to teach him, and to help guide him so that he will learn to be the man he is to become.
So…*drum roll please*…survey says: homeschooling. Yes, yes, I know. “But how? When? WHY?” Those are the questions I’m sure are running through your head, especially if you are someone who knows me and knows how busy I am. See, here’s the deal. This here is my son, MINE. Not the school districts, not the governments, not Bobby Joe’s or Susie Q’s. He is mine. Therefore, it is MY responsibility to do what is right. And right now, the right thing is to give him what he needs. Now, in no way, shape, or form am I even remotely saying this will be an easy task. It will not. It will take discipline, time, love, and lots and LOTS of patience. However, I do not rely on human strength, I rely on God’s strength. Matthew 19:26 “Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” I know that with God I can do anything. And if for some reason I fail or it just doesn’t work out then it wasn’t God’s plan. This is not something I have taken lightly. I have prayed ALOT, I have talked with those closest to me, and I have talked to my mentor (who by the way homeschools all three of her children ranging in age from 6 to 12). My mentor is going to help me out with planning my first year, getting me started with materials, and so forth. She and I have been very close for the past 5 years, we go to church together, and we have a lot of the same views on things. I know that with her help and God’s I can do this. I only want to do God’s will. If this is the right path then He will be with me every step of the way and if its not then He will guide me to the correct one and still be with me every step of the way. Either way it goes, I’m not alone in this at all. I have an amazing support system, loving husband who stands beside me, and most of all a very BIG God. The very least I can do is try. But if something doesn’t change, and soon, then my son will continue down this path he is on and I don’t see any good coming out of it. He is suffering. He needs the proper direction. And what better teacher could he possibly have than the one person on this earth that knows him better than anyone? I know his needs, I know his strengths, and I know his weaknesses. All I need are the tools.
Am I scared? I would be lying if I said I wasnt. But what scares me more is seeing my child grow up without the proper training and turning into someone hes not meant to be. If my children receive their training at home, I can teach them the life lessons that I, as a parent, think they need to learn, I can give them christian based schooling, I can prevent bullying, and knock out some peer pressure while I’m at it. No, its not going to be easy, but I do recall this amazing picture that my mom has hanging on her living room wall of Jesus that says “I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it.”